Wants and Pie
June 9, 2014 § Leave a comment
The thought of blackberries being in season struck me this weekend, followed quickly by the flash of the memory of a page from a cookbook featuring a blackberry-laden, bedecked, piled-high pie. I had the cookbook, I tracked down the blackberries, and I made myself get up on Sunday to attempt this Blackberry Pie with Graham Cracker Crust in time to take it to a friend’s house. It turned out, I must say, and my friend and her friend corroborated my thoughts (which is always a boost to the baker’s ego). I made the pie because I wanted to, just because. I had the funds to buy all the ingredients, the place to bake it, and the time in which to make it happen. I was pleased to share it and enjoy it with friends as well.
It got me thinking about desires and wants. Most of my want-tos become got-tos. I wanted to go to a certain college; hello, scholarship and loans and said college. I wanted a kitty; hello, Maisy. I wanted to take a trip to visit a friend; hello, bank balance and careful planning, then hello, trip. I wanted to try a new recipe, restaurant, store, movie theater, trampoline place; hello, hello, hello. There are plenty of my wants that have not made that transition. I have wanted jobs, friends, answers, love, affirmations, understanding. I have received many examples in all those categories, and yet still I want more. I admit it. I am selfish and self-seeking. Strange how the fulfillment of wants can feel like a foregone conclusion (oh, of course that worked out!) while the un-fulfillment of the rest becomes a frustration. That want becomes THE want of all wants. I am in that space lately, that space of not having what I want and struggling through it, recognizing it as a want and not a need, and yet, the desire lingers. It makes me feel childish and petty, and I know I am still pouting in my heart about these things. The ease of having some wants met stymies me about these others sometimes. They are not, so to speak, within my grasp or power. As the song roughly goes: You can’t always get what you want, but if you try sometimes, you just might find, you get what you need.
In truth, it probably wasn’t the pie that sparked these thoughts, but rather, the realization of my current state dawned in the clarity-inducing calm of pie making. My want-mongering has not netted me anything of value, either, but too much focus on me and misplaced irritation at others. I am human; it happens. But, what I definitely don’t want is to stay fixated on what I don’t have, nor do I even want to simply switch to focusing on what I do, but instead, focusing on the One who I trust gives good gifts in His timing. Knowing me better than I know myself, He invites me to give my wants to Him to do with what He will. His goodness to me reminds me that he will continue to, as another song we sang as a church on Sunday says:
Abide with me; fast falls the eventide;
The darkness deepens; Lord with me abide.
When other helpers fail and comforts flee,
Help of the helpless, O abide with me.