Alone, but Not

I really enjoyed last weekend. I normally enjoy my weekends, being freed from the daily schedule and pressing need to get into bed at a decent hour. I relish them, even when they are busy, but usually more if they are not. This past weekend, I confess, I was a bit apprehensive. My roommate was going out of town, and while not cause for alarm by any means, I could feel myself getting a bit down in the mouth about it, feelings of loneliness creeping in.

As a child, I was always very fearful of being alone in our house, even just for an afternoon. It sounds silly to type, but it’s the truth. Even into early adulthood, the thought of staying alone overnight filled my mind with shadowy images from all the worst Lifetime movies I’d ever succumbed to watching. Living on my own a few years ago helped me tackle some of these fears, but I still fell victim to occasionally lying awake at night and imagining how quickly I could climb out my window before an intruder would arrive at my bedroom door. It’s not that bad, anymore, Thank The Lord, but it crops up from time to time just the same.

As Friday approached, I just began to pray, for trust that God would see me through the time and even make it fruitful, not fearful. (I had no plans made which doesn’t help either, if a struggle with loneliness finds you.) It may seem a small thing to some, but it was a huge blessing to me to enjoy and even embrace my time alone. Little bit by little bit, a few plans started to develop and my mind turned to what I had to look forward to instead of dread. Pizza was made with friends, a recipe for brown bread successfully attempted, another friend visited and chatted, and a cat was let outside as much as she wanted when the weather was nice. I am thankful for it all, and most of all, for the Spirit of freedom that kept me company.

It exceeded my expectations for just an ordinary facing-your-fears-and-having-victory-over-them weekend at home.